Ray Bradbury said, ""

Friday, January 11, 2008
Two Slices of Life

Sir Abu Horsetassle the Infinitely Benevolent Toward Small Children and Animals:[lighthearted smalltalk]

Me: Hey, nice pants.

SAH: Say my pants are nice one more time!

Me: They look soft and somewhat fluffy, and well-tailored. If I had pants like that, I'd be unstoppable.

SAH: [pushes face near mine] Not today! You don't want any of this!

Me: What, you don't like it when someone compliments your pants?

SAH: Say it again and I'll break your goddamn face!

Me: All I said was that your pants look soft and are well tailored.

SAH: [feeble slap at head]

Me: Ok, my pants are better than yours.

SAH: [grabs my jaw, menacingly waves fist at me] One more word!

Me: You're too touchy about your pants.

SAH: [stands back, clenching jaws, with face muscles twitching]

Dostoyevskian Sadist Bookworm Coworker: Man, he went psychotic in less than a minute![almost passes out laughing]

Me: You can't have your cake and eat it too, Abu.

~~~
While clocking out:

Desk Monkey: Someone told me Sir Abu Horsetassle beat the crap out of you.

Me: [in low voice] He touched me.

SAH: I DIDN'T TOUCH YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! STOP IT WITH THAT GAY SHIT! [launches himself across room at me]

Me: You did hold my face.

SAH: [while grabbing at me] Not in a gay way!

Dostoyevskian Sadist Bookworm Coworker: [bursts out laughing, begins to choke]

Me: Homoerotic or not, you still touched me. And you're touching me right now.

SAH: [tries to throw me out the door]

[ten seconds later]

Dostoyevskian Sadist Bookworm Coworker: Man, Abu, you have manic depression. You go from giggling to white-hot rage in seconds. You gotta get some medication.

SAH: [laughs] I do have a short temper.

Babbling Coworker: One minute you're laughing and buying people donuts, the next you're lunging at their throats like a friggin ferret. You're worse than Oprah.

SAH: Heh, my girl says I'm bi-polar too. [smiles]

Dostoyevskian Sadist Bookworm Coworker: Of course she does. You're nuttier than a squirrel's asshole.

SAH: Anyone got a cigarette?

Me: Here. [offers cig] I'm like Mahatma goddamn Gandhi. You see how magnanimous I am?

Babbling Coworker: Abu, at least today you actually acted on your psychotic rage instead of bluffing like an impotent chihuahua.

SAH: I'll beat your face in! You don't want to see what Lucifer's got!

Dostoyevskian Sadist Bookworm Coworker: See, that's what we're talking about.

Me: That's perfect. When you feel the Frenzy coming on, just alert us that "Lucifer is coming!"

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at January 11, 2008 18:28 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
humor, scruffy work

Comments open but moderated. I reserve permission to kill spammers on sight.


Comments:
#1  30 January 2008 - 23:31
 
I mean it is like you had the very same day that I had. Uncanny.

But, you were touched by a man.
Anonymous
Comments:
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