Ray Bradbury said, ""

Saturday, December 15, 2007
Two Saturday Morning Conversations

Me: Someone should set up a way of recording the locations of hunters via gps and displaying it on real time. Cross-correlating it with Forrestry GIS information about deer population would let you see real-time where you're best able to bag a deer.

Creepy coworker:

Me: You could shoot more deer when you go hunting, Elmer.

Creepy:

Me: Did you really offer Craig a pair of chaps?

Creepy: [nods]

Me: It's just funny that you'd have a pair. I could imagine you going out in them, shocked that all the nice young sailors and cops and indians are buying you drinks. [mimicking his creepy gravelly voice] "Why, the men here are absolutely fabulous!"

Creepy: I use chaps when I mount a bull. You gotta have friction when you mount a bull or you slip and slide all over the place and get a horn rammed up your ass.

Me: Well, besides the creepy double entendre that is you, they just look goofy. Look at yourself in the mirror next time you wear them.

Creepy: What? I look at myself in my chaps all the time! I strut around in front of a mirror! [looks down at legs]

~~~
Me: [calls mom and tells her about the online dating site thing]

Mom: Make sure you meet in a public place!!1! Tell Isiah where you are! Don't leave your food unattended!!!1!one!

Me: I've clearly forgotten how things are in Sullivan County. First, I am not the one who has to worry about rape. Let that sink in a bit.

Mom: Women rape men all the time!

Me: [deep breath, creates diamond in clenched fist] Second, you make it sound as if I would have to convince a woman out of her plans to meet in a dark alley. "But Tom, I promise not to tell anyone which dark and promisingly isolated spot we're going to!" What are you, completely friggin' insane? Do you really believe that a woman would meet a stranger from online anywhere but a lighted, public place with ample bystanders (preferably armed) capable of pounding a pervert's face in?

Mom: But she might want to go to a secluded place and torture you!

Me: I don't want to imagine what your nightmares are like. Think about it. I would not want to meet up with a woman who didn't show up at the first meeting armed to the teeth, surrounded by no-necked Mafiosos and dobermans, with snipers tracking the spot between my eyes.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at December 15, 2007 06:06 EST | Permalink | comments (5) |
humor, conversations

Comments open but moderated. I reserve permission to kill spammers on sight.


Comments:
#1  15 December 2007 - 12:03
 
I remember one meeting during my first days of dating online. A rather cute guy had emailed me. We seemed to have a bit in common. In his picture he was wearing surf shorts, t-shirt, and looked to be around late twenties, early thirties. He was too young for me, but I was bored and accepted a date.

He showed up at the bar and looked about ten years older than his picture (which was a good thing!) and was about 20 lbs heavier. Obviously he had sent a picture of himself ten years younger. That disturbed me. If you can lie about something like that, you can lie about anything.

He was wearing a baseball cap. I hate baseball caps. Guys who wear baseball caps usually donʻt have anything in common with me, intellectually. I asked him to remove it. He said no. I said why not? We are in a public bar and wearing a hat inside is not polite.

I had the growing suspicion that he might be bald (which is not a bad thing unless you lie about it). He finally confessed that he was embarrassed about his incipient baldness. When he took off his hat he was completely bald except for fringe around his ears and the back of his head.

I was polite enough to finish out the date, but I never wanted to see him again. He had misrepresented himself, while I had sent recent pictures of myself.

So, dear Pookie, a word of advice. Ask for a least five pictures. Be forthright and explain why you want them.

Oh, and have fun!
User: RomaCittaEterna Contact me View user's mediablog RomaCittaEterna
#2  15 December 2007 - 20:13
 
After throwing my Cardinals hat off, I type this. I think that you talked to my ma by mistake.

See, Roma, no Cards cap.
Anonymous
#3  15 December 2007 - 20:15
 
Oh, one more thing, condoms. Ribbed=Her Pleasure. Or wear them wrong side out=Your Pleasure.

Still no Cards cap, either.
Anonymous
#4  16 December 2007 - 16:11
 
you discriminate based on aht wearing that makes you an anti-hatite

The fact that i always wear a hat has nothing to do with my previous statement.
Anonymous
#5  16 December 2007 - 16:13
 
You may want to check your mom's internet viewing history. She seems a little overly informed about this. It's very sweet that she's so concerned tho.
Anonymous
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