Ray Bradbury said, ""

Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Hail Discordia!

Grau doesn't have a monopoly on expletive-laden work posts. He shouldn't.

One of the temps, we will call him Abu Horsetassle, has, over the past two weeks, been noting ominously that another temp would be reassigned shortly. You know that schaedenfreude tone: "Looks like he'll be leaving us soon..."

(A note about Sir Abu Horsetassle: he's a little guy. Not a midget, but a Curly sort of fellow.)

Today, Sir Abu Horsetassle the Magnificent goes off on a half-hour violent rant against a sub-boss. Threats, hysterics, drama-queen intonations, all safely conducted while the sub-boss is on the other side of the building. I stepped in:

Me: The bonobos are a race of chimpanzee with very interesting social patterns. You know, Sir Abu Horsetassle the Magnificent and Infinitely Benevolent, the bonobo social structure is based upon a dominance-submission heirarchy settled by sex, not violence. Fights are rare, every dispute is settled by one bonobo bending over, or by penis-jousting. Among the monkeys, they are the hippies.

SAHMIB: So? I'm going to rip his head right off and tell him who's boss!

Me: You see, humans disguise this dominance-submission heirarchy in conflicts using language. We no longer climb onto branches, dangle from our feet, and jab our penises at each other. No, we instead yell "up yours!" "you're a big asshole" and "fuck me? No, my friend, fuck you!" and "give it to me!" and "I'll fuck you up!" and a host of other thinly disguised homoerotic signals expressing our desire to dominate or submit physically to our adversaries.

SAHMIB: You're saying I'm gay?!

Me: No, your subconscious is. Your whole rant has been an expression of your contradictory sublimated subconscious desires to both physically dominate the sub-boss, as well as to be a good little monkey and submit to his power. All this bluster could have been avoided if you had just been a proper primate and laid it out in the open. Literally.
He almost lunged. But being neither a bonobo nor a man capable of more than bluster, he went back to an idle seething.

Until some hours later when I told the other temp about Sir Abu Horsetassle the Magnificent and Infinitely Benevolent Toward Small Children and Fluffy Kittens' view of his employment future:

SAHMIBTSCFK: What? Who told you that?

Temp: You have been plotting my downfall for weeks now. I will not go gently into that good night. I will NOT.

SAHMIBTSCFK: I never said that you would!

Temp: Not gently at all. It will involve copious bleeding and pain.

SAHMIBTSCFK: Why would I say that?

Temp: I will find out. And you will feel my wraith.



Sowing discord and confusion is always a perk.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at August 22, 2007 18:06 EST | Permalink | comments (3) |
scruffy work

Comments open but moderated. I reserve permission to kill spammers on sight.


Comments:
#1  25 August 2007 - 14:38
 
Bahahaha!
I'd use the penis jousting line at work, but there's a couple assholes who might actually do it....
Anonymous
#2  25 August 2007 - 15:50
 
You know a good place for it? Politics.

Nah. On second thought, Hillary would end up running everything.
User: Pooklekufr Contact me View user's mediablog Pooklekufr
#3  12 September 2007 - 19:54
 
fnord~winner&loser script. m^_^m
ic an't even remeber what i was thinking; neither should i have to.

Hail Eris,

Malaclypse
Anonymous
Comments:
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