Ray Bradbury said, ""

In My Search of the Kitties

I had a profound psycho-social insight.

At one time Americans called the hippest among us "cats."

Loners capable of impregnating a woman with a forlorn smile, men who sang of love lost and knew where all the bodies were buried, fierce rebels who seduced women with nihilism and rebellion, stream of consciousness writers pounding their madness out on sweat-gilded Tijuana typewriters high on meth, and the nightowls who started it all by blowing their souls through horns in the birth of a new music.

These men personified that indescribably feline mixture of rugged individualism, fuck-it-all-I'm-superior-but-not-ostentatious-about-it attitude, and ability to hunt mice.

When faced with the cosmic coolness of a Dizzy or Sinatra or Cash, our fragile minds turned to the nearest metaphor and that metaphor was taking a nap on our lap with one paw ready to eviscerate us lest we disturb its metaphorical slumber.

Over the decades these qualities stopped being seen as virtues. What took the place of the cat, symbol of all that is laid-back and egoistic?

"Dawg."

We as a nation went from comparing our idols with those egoistic sojourners of mystery, to an animal that pisses on the rug in sheer joy when its owner comes home.

I mean, a cat looks at his owner returning and glares a "fuck you I can hunt- leave your gifts on the chair and get out of my sunshine" look. A dog looks at his owner and whines a "Oh G-d I'm glad you didn't leave forever and ever and leave me here to die of starvation or be kidnapped by Korean grocers!" moan. Pop quiz: which one is more like James Dean?

We stopped comparing our heroes to an animal that couldn't give a damn about us and will flaunt its coolness with an almost Gallic subtlety, to an animal that will exult in the odor of our crotches like we were trying to smuggle a brisket marinated with crack cocaine and duct-taped to our pubic hair.

Next time you hear someone called a "dawg," remember that any cat 50 years ago could have kicked his ass back to the pound.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 31, 2006 21:05 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, dogs, cats, odd news, memery, discoveries, blog nocturne, introspection, best posts

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Goosfrabaaah

I'm trying to ignore her, I really am.

But today she has gone past the deep-end, into the Marianas Trench, and is now trying to jam her entire head into a hydrothermal vent.

The lunacy of her badly syncretic pidgin posts is exceeded only by the sheer psychosis of her comments.

Notice the comment she makes about wishing to "ramsey" one of her commenters.

Goosfrabaaaah. Goosfrabaaaah.

OK. I must go in search of catblogging.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 31, 2006 19:38 EST | Permalink | comments (2) |
blogging, moonbats, hateblogging

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Israel's Dilemma

Israel is trying its hardest to do the right thing and avoid targeting civilians. Fair enough, but sometimes I wonder if the problem is, that Israel is not targeting civilians enough [My emphasis- ed]. Sherman, was not nearly so kind as he marched through Atlanta, and quite frankly I have no problem with Israel, going into Lebanon, and basically eliminating the resistance. Have a problem with that? Hezbollah can surrender or not, that should be Olmert's terms. It's all it can be, Israel wants to fight this war without getting its hands dirty. Israel should give up on trying to appease the nations. It's never going to.

The world hates Israel, and for what it's worth, the world should "hate" Israel. Israel condemns the world, as it stand chosen of God, a nation that sought him after all other continued in their rebellion (see e.g. the story of Balaam). Israel of all the other nations of antiquity exists today, not because of the work of human hands, but of the work of God. If Israel wants to succeed in whatever it does, it must recognize this fact. The world has hated Israel, just as it hated Noah, because they stand righteous where the rest of the world stand condemned.

It seems more likely though that Israel will not turn the the Lord, and seek him, instead they will trust in Olmert to deliver them, and like every other secular government that has tried to "deliver" Israel, they will fail. Salvation comes from the Lord, not from Olmert and his government, Israel needs to return to the Lord and establish itself as the lamp upon Zion. Trust in the Lord, to establish your boundaries, not secular men, they promise peace, and deliver nothing. Only until Israel recognizes and sees the inability of the secular government to "deliver" Israel, will there be a true change in the hearts of the people of Israel.

David, you keep referring to Hezbolloh as "party of God," Israel itself means "One who strives with God" perhaps it is high time, that Israel get back to striving with the Lord, instead of ignoring Him. Then, Israel will have the courage and faith to mock those who oppose them, as David did standing before Goliath "You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted. "This day the Lord wil deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you. And I will give the dead bodies of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel."

Have the courage O Israel, to proudly proclaim "That all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel."

[...] Israel has never, and will never, act as Joel wishes it to. In Judaism it is a core belief that no excuse whatsoever serves to justify the murder of an innocent- the end can never justify the means.

The day the Israelis begin fighting like Hizballah is the day the Israelis lose the very thing they are fighting for.

[Snip to another comment wherein I restate this post of mine]

Tom,

I actually don't think we're that far apart. It's interesting about Amalek, and that you bring that tribe up because, we seen in Deuteronomy 25:17-19, that part of the wickedness of Amalek was that they attacked the weak in the rear ("civilians?"), and for this they were to totally wipe Amalek out. Interesting, I think.

But I don't think we're that far apart in terms of the need for the IDF to act "rightly." It's just hard to know what would actually deter Hezbollah and its partisans. It's harsh for Israel to take the step of "leave the southern 20 miles of Lebanon or risk harm." But that may be necessary.

Joel B.

I believe that the ends can never justify the means. I believe that Israel can afford to be neither too lax nor too bloodthirsty with dealing with the barbarians, for the former will lead to Israel being destroyed by its neighbors and the latter will lead to Israel being destroyed by itself.

Remember that Negative Mitzvah 293 commands the Jew "not to pity the pursuer, but to kill him before he can kill or rape the pursued." Thousands of years later, Adam Smith would rephrase this as "mercy to the guilty is cruelty to the innocent."

It is as much an error not to adequately retaliate against violence as it is to over-retaliate. Failure to protect the innocent against evil will get them killed immediately, and failure to uphold their innocence will get them killed in the long run.

Israel therefore has to navigate the razor-thin line between adequate and morally obligated violence against those who will stop at nothing short of a sucking chest wound in their effort to eliminate Israel women and children first, and losing sight of the very reason why it is fighting for survival by fighting in a way designed to ensure its survival at all costs.

Israel has an obligation toward its survival to ruthlessly retaliate against the barbarians, and an obligation toward its worthiness of survival to just as ruthlessly adhere to morality and civility where its enemy sees none. As I said, it's a razor-thin line few other nations have even noticed existed.

From what I understand, you do not see the need for Israel to restrain itself to the mere ruthless and brutal retaliation against the men aiming at Israeli women and children; you seem to wish for Israel to itself purposely aim for the innocent.

To the extent we both believe that Israel must fight as hard as possible against those terrorists willing to see it destroyed, we are of one mind. But to the extent you allow Israel even a fraction of the savagery of its enemies toward innocents, I am bitterly opposed.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 31, 2006 00:07 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
religion, philosophy, israel, blog nocturne

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You know what?

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 30, 2006 14:11 EST | Permalink | comments |
moonbats

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*Yawn*

Have you ever had one of those yawns so metaphysically satisfying that they leave you blind and staggering?

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 30, 2006 09:39 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, boredomblogging

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Ubuntu

I'm going to install the Ubuntu Linux OS as a dual boot system (for now).

Open source. Cool looking. Virtually invulnerable to viruses and spyware. Nifty.

The biggest things I'm looking for is compatibility with my SMC wireless card and the ability to transfer over my PDF books, mp3's, and Mozilla bookmarks. Linux has almost G-dlike ability to work with hardware,  Adobe has a PDF reader in Linux, Ubuntu comes with Firefox and media players, and Mozilla has a Linux version- should be easy. The bookmarks may be the hardest thing; I might have to add them manually.

If it works and I like it, I may just switch over entirely.

I'll post more on the progress.

Hat tip to Travis Benning for telling me about it.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 29, 2006 16:45 EST | Permalink | comments |
discoveries

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Layers Upon Frischy Layers

<meta name="ICBM" content="44.05222, -123.0855" />

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 29, 2006 13:48 EST | Permalink | comments (4) |
moonbats, discoveries

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Woo hoo! Books!

I got my first paycheck from Modern, and to celebrate my newfound wealth I ordered some books from Amazon:

• Rothbard's "Man, Economy, and State with Power and Market"
• Thomas Sowell's "Black Rednecks and White Liberals"
• Thomas Sowell's "The Vision of the Annointed: Self-Congratulation as a Basis of Social Policy"
• Robert Heinlein's "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress"
• Mickey Spillane's "The Mike Hammer Collection vol. 1"
• Ann Coulter's "How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)"
• Dennis Miller's "Rants"
• Dennis Miller's "Still Ranting After All These Years"
• Dennis Miller's "The Rant Zone: An All-Out Blitz Against Soul-Sucking Jobs, Twisted Child Stars"

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 28, 2006 22:09 EST | Permalink | comments |
books, blog nocturne

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In Which I Steal Laurence Simon's Busblogging Superpowers

*

A girl shouted this into her cellphone on the morning 19: "I tol' you to tell her that I tol' him she didn't!"

Hey, Puffy Killglance- you're on a bus full of people. We notice when you leer at young women so hard that one can almost hear the sizzle of pervert rays striking their bodies. One of these days, Q-mo, you'll leer at the wrong woman and get a face full of pepper spray.

Hey, Lesbian in Fatigues with a Crewcut -  we know you hate your father. Please stop glaring at the other passengers like we may suddenly pull off our masks and reveal ourselves to be his clones.

Hey, Tourette's Boy- I the fuck am a passenger who the fuck doesn't like annoying kids shrieking questions at 6 o'clock in the morning. By the way, what the hell are you doing on a bus at 6 a.m. in the middle of summer?

Hey, Eddy Murphy Wannabe- the women and children sitting next to you don't need to hear you scream " bitch," "maricõn!", "niggah!" and "muthafuckah!" into your cellphone for a half hour straight.

An ad on the side of the bus: "Like rent control for your energy bills!" Is this some kind of joke? I hope to G-d it is, or next I'll be seeing an ad saying "like punitive tariffs for your food budget!"

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 28, 2006 21:55 EST | Permalink | comments |
boredomblogging, blog nocturne

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Frischal Instinct

I don't want to go off on a rant here, but Deb Frisch has gone off the deep end faster than W.S. Burroughs after watching William Tell in a seedy Tijuana cinema while on an ether binge.

I actually went off on a rant, but I did the decent thing and deleted it before posting this.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 28, 2006 18:38 EST | Permalink | comments |
moonbats, hateblogging

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Semi-Random Late Night Thoughts

I get up at 5 o'clock in the morning and leave for work at 5:30. Every day I walk past a couple bars on the way to the bus station- and there are still people hanging out in some of them! Today I walked through a group that had spilled out onto the sidewalk and by all appearances was having a jolly time. Here's a hint: if you think 5 o'clock in the morning is still time to party hearty, you better be either Irish or a vampire.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 27, 2006 23:07 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
boredomblogging, blog nocturne

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Put It in Perspective

With Deb Frisch raving into the oblivion of her life, sockpuppets blaring Xeroxed credentials, spammers pumping out personal information in a web so tangled not even Tom Clancy could plot the alliances, death threats being thrown about with the rapidity of a used gerbil at Richard Gere's house, and Judenhass raging with the spectacle of Israel again defending itself against Hitler-emulating followers of the Great Pedophile and Annointed Schizophrenic...

The blogosphere has gotten a taste of blood. The Left sees the anonymity of the internet as invitation to threaten violence against their political opponents (' families) with impunity. The Right noticed the complete breakdown of coherent thought within the ranks of the sinestrosphere and seized upon this weakness to hunt down each new moonbat with the zeal of a kid playing whack-a-mole who ignores the bigger kids getting ready to kick his ass while he's distracted.

Cyber-bloodlust has turned the sinestrosphere into a wasteland in which intermittent and eerily similar voices can be heard shrieking death threats against toddlers, and it is turning the attention of the dextrosphere away from the Muhammetan and Asiatic savages eager to destroy civilization.

In all this intestine feuding, some perspective needs to be established.

• American Girl is grieving for the loss of her twins and is beginning to doubt her own body's wonderful ability to create a new life. Who will say her pain is less important than the discovery that a dishonest man acts dishonestly?
• Gilad Shalit is still in the clutches of Islamofascist barbarians ready to torture and mutilate him on video for Jihad.
• Israel is still fending off savages who hide behind women and children while openly fomenting world condemnation of Israel for its refusal to lay down and die.
• Kim Jong Il is still training himself to become a Lex Luthor impersonator.
• Europe is still allowing Sharia to fill the gulf left behind after decades of nihilist and post-modernist attacks on the values of western civilization.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 26, 2006 19:07 EST | Permalink | comments (3) |
blogging

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Semi-Literate Saviours and Respect

My father used to tell me, "if it's worth writing, it's worth writing well."

I try to write my posts with a minimum of typos, Frischisms, idiocies said with a straight face, and bitter rants.

You know why?

I respect my readers. As do most conservative, classical liberal, and libertarian bloggers. Respect for one's audience goes hand in hand with respect for other people's ability to make their own decisions. Of course, when those decisions are of the Toddler-Threatening Kind or Sockpuppetist Persuasion, we will gleefully dip our balls in it. But in a manner respectful to the others.

Think about that. A classical liberal knows that it is not in his power to decide for other men, even if his intentions are benevolent. A conservative knows that neither he nor any other man is wise enough to erect a utopia by subverting the goals and dreams of others. A libertarian knows that only by protecting men's ability to make choices through upholding isonomic law and maintenance of inalienable rights, can society exist and improve.

In contrast, the modern liberal believes he possesses the omniscience to choose for others, regardless of their own plans or values. It is his perogative to remould human nature into his image. If a man views his fellow men as cattle when he privately fantasizes about his ideal society, is it any wonder that when he writes he will deal with them as cattle?

The difference between mindsets is striking. The conservative looks upon his readers as fellow humans who have made a decision to read his blog- and knows that in order to win their respect he must first show some to them. The modern liberal looks upon his readers as children or peasants- and feels that they are obligated to read the scintillating truth writ large in semi-literate screeds. For the former, it is an honor to have his words read by others. For the latter, it is proselytization, the wise administering to the foolish.

To hammer the point home further: the conservative and classical liberal know that nothing endears other people like humor. We recognize the power of a laugh, and understand that a good belly-laugh is often the best refutation. Good humor arises out of an understanding that one is dealing with other humans- you can't tell jokes to pawns or cattle. Hence the bitterness of the modern liberal: if you believe you are saving the world, a laugh is a diversion. For a modern liberal, a laugh is a symbol of the futility of his effort to remodel human nature. As William Paley said, "who can refute a dancing armadillo?"

The sinestrospherewill remain a bitter and semi-literate wasteland until they learn to see their readers as humans instead of cattle to be lead. You may know a man by his words; if they are misspelled and jumbled about, there is a reason for it.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 25, 2006 22:56 EST | Permalink | comments |
philosophy, libertarianism, blog nocturne, best posts

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Wiki War

Rick Moran at Rightwing Nuthouse pointed today to Gigli's douchiness regarding post hoc Wiki revisions.

I revised the said page, adding a superscript at the end of the suspiciously douchy material, along the lines of  "citation needed with regard to recently added usage- where was this ever used?"

Very soon, user Redwretch revised to add a link to Jeff Jacoby's pummelling of the Chickenhawk smear.

A pummelling very conveniently published today. At least he didn't put up a link to Glennchop's post also written today.

I left this comment on Redwretch's Talk Page:

I must not have made myself clear.

When I said that citation is needed on the revision to the definition added at 7 o'clock on July 25th to the chickenhawk page, I meant that I believe one must justify claiming that "many proponents" support a meaning which until very recently I have never seen.

Revising to insert a link to an article written TODAY in which the author takes on what I thought to be the standard meaning of the word, does nothing to prove that "many proponents" have in fact made public this new level of meaning. An acceptable citation would be any article written by a prominent blogger/writer/politician before July 25th, 2006 (today), in which this added usage occurs. If it is not possible to show a recorded instance of this usage by "many people" or at least one prominent voice, before July 25th 2006 (today), then the usage must be euphemeral and is an instance of vandalism.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 25, 2006 20:01 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
blogging, media hunting, blog nocturne

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Belbo Challenge: Anta Grande do Zambujeiro to the Roma

I am fascinated by Jacoppo Belbo of Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum. Erudite as all hell, able to make the quantum jump from the spark plug to Li Po, and one hell of an odd guy. I had so much fun with my last Belbo Moment that I decided to make this a semi-regular feature of my blog. A mapping of the moonbat mind and sometime sojourn into erudition.

I am going to connect the Anta Grande do Zamujeiro monoliths to Roma Gypsies in six or less steps. While I'm at it, I'll let any readers who feel up to it join me in the comments.

I wonder if Ramsey Theory can illuminate the semiotics of adherent obscurantism.

But for now, I must sleep.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 24, 2006 00:13 EST | Permalink | comments |
blog nocturne, belbo moments, best posts

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Where Does the Left Get All Its Nazi Paraphernalia?

Hippy: I want to buy your entire stock of swastika-shaped cookies for an anti-Zionist protest rally we're having. 400 or so.

Clerk: This is Starbucks, sir. We don't sell cookies shaped like swastikas.

Hippy: But me and my compatriots have to show how evil Israel is! The new Nazis!

Clerk: By waving around swastikas?

Hippy: Swastika-shaped cookies. There's a difference.

Clerk: Imagine a Martian were to land on earth and see your rally. On the one hand, there's thousands of malodorous people here waving around swastikas, giving 'Heil Hitler' salutes, and calling themselves supporters of Hizballah's terrorism. On the other hand, there's thousands of people in Israel defending themselves from barbarian Arabs who were allied with Hitler and still buy Mein Kampf. Which group would he think upheld Hitler's Jew-hatred and love of violence?

Hippy:

Clerk: Down the road there's the Chabad House of Coffee. Go there- they might be selling the cookies you want. Sign's broken, look for just "Chabad House."

Hippy: Thanks, dude! [Leaves]

Clerk: [Mumbled] Stinking hippy asshole. Hope he gets his ass kicked hard.

Hippy: [Mumbled] Corporate shitweasel.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 23, 2006 21:33 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, israel, boredomblogging, blog nocturne

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Woo hoo! Books!

I found a 1965 copy of Tyron Edwards and Ralph Emerson Browns' "New Dictionary of Thoughts." Many of its quotations are deeply religious and intoned with a love of man and freedom.

Some quotes from its sections on communism and Liberty:

"The typical ex-communist American intellectual has experienced two conversions... But, in his new enlightenment, what has he found out? Why, that freedom must not be given up, that treason is evil, that murder and terrorism must not be condoned, that communism is not democratic, that democracy is precious. That is his harvest from two dark nights of the soul..."- Bernard DeVoto

"Communism possesses a language which every people can understand.- Its elements are hunger, envy, and death."- Heine

"Liberty is not merely a privilege to be conferred; it is a habit to be acquired."- Lloyd George

"Oh, give me liberty! For even were paradise my prison, still I should long to leap the crystal walls." -Dryden

"Liberty will not descend to a people; a people must raise themselves to liberty; it is a blessing that must be earned before it can be enjoyed."-Colton

"Monuments are the grappling irons that bind one generation to another."- Joubert

"Spend your time in nothing which you know must be repented of; in nothing on which you might not pray for the blessing of G-d; in nothing which you cannot review with a quiet conscience on your dying bed; in nothing which you might not safely and properly be found doing if death should surprise you in the act."- Baxter

"He who reforms himself, has done much toward reforming others; and one reason why the world is not reformed, is, because each would have others make a beginning, and never things of himself doing it." -T. Adams

"It will cost something to be religious: it will cost more to be not so."- J. Mason

"There is nothing so minute, or inconsiderable, that I would not rather know it than not."- Johnson

"Poverty of speech is outward evidence of poverty of mind."- Bruce Barton

"Early instruction in truth will best keep out errors."-Tryon Edwards

"A man isn't poor if he can still laugh."- Raymond Hitchcock

"Keep your hands from literary picking and stealing. But if you cannot refrain from this kind of stealth, abstain from murdering what you steal."- Toplady

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 22, 2006 12:40 EST | Permalink | comments |
books

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A Belbo Moment: Glennkerfluffle I

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 21, 2006 21:33 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, memery, blog nocturne, belbo moments, best posts

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Overheard on the Morning 19

Young Man: I tol' that bitch no more goddamn chihuahuas!

Another Young Man: Got that right.

YM: Ya know what I'm saying?

AYM: Little bitches.

YM: Fucking little bitches.

Little Boy: Fucking little bitches! Fucking little bitches! Fucking little bitches!

Elderly Black Woman: [Shakes head and goes "mmmm hmmmm" in such a way that her disapproval flays the skin off everyone within six feet] Look what you got him doing!

YM: Sorry.

AYM: Sorry.

LB: Fucking little bitch chihuahuas!

EBW: [Smacks boy upside the head and glares at the two]

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 21, 2006 19:23 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, scruffy work

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Glennpuppetry

Tom the Pooklekufr is indubitably the world's greatest lover, violinist, and pitbull breeder.

*

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 20, 2006 18:25 EST | Permalink | comments (9) |
humor, blogging, moonbats, discoveries

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A Belbo Moment

I am fascinated by Jacoppo Belbo of Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum. Erudite as all hell, able to make the quantum jump from the spark plug to Li Po, and one hell of an odd guy.

For kicks and giggles, I made this comment on a Frischkerfluffle post at Ace's:

I will go into full-on Belbo mode with the semiotics of [Frisch's] phrase "deecee."

John Dee was Queen Elizabeth I's occultist and hermeticist. In 1619 his house was sold to Robert Cotton. Cotton, whose surname is eerily reminiscent of Cotton Mather, the infamous persecuter of witches in the 17th century, was made a baronet under James I. James the First, you will recall, was the first of the Stuarts. Remember that the Stuarts succeeded the Tudors following the conflicting claims to the Throne between Margaret and Mary Tudor; this conflict ultimately died stillborn as Charles James Stuart stepped into the power vacuum following the death of the Virgin Queen.

Now who could forget that it is under James I, following a period of intense intrique, that William Shakespeare flourished. The Bard had in MacBeth immortalized the three Weird Sisters as archetypical seersayers- a trio of grotesque hags with a nebulous connection to the vicessitudes of fortune. It is no coincidence that the Bard had selected a trio: the Sisters are derived from the Anglo-Saxon Weorphan, a representation of the Greek Moiros, or Three Fates (Lachesis, Atropos, and Clotho). The Weorphan/Moiros held man's destiny in their hands, determining the warp and woof of his life. Remember that the Moiros are sisters also, born of Nyx (Night). The Nocturnal Essence, inviting Thanatos and Hypnos, Death and Sleep.

But why is Erebus, god of darkness, alienated? The reason: Hesiod's Theogony describes how although Nyx and Erebus mated, her progeny were parthenogenetic! Alas, Erebus is cuckolded.

"Cuckold," as we all know, is derived from the Old French cucu, or Cuckoo. The affaire de Erebus is, etymologically, a symptom of the supposed illogic of heteronormality.

So, The "Dee" may be understood as an extended allegory concerning the patriarchal oppression exerted by the Christian Fundamentalist government inaugurated under our current President!

Or, Deb is just insane.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now for the "cee" part.

Cee is homonymous with sea. Now, what is a D sea?

The Dead Sea, haven for King David when warned by Saul's son Jonathan of his father's plots against him!

David fled into the wilderness of the sterile Dead Sea to escape Saul, the bungled destroyer of the Amalekites. Remember that Saul, in direct opposition to the Prophet Samuel, allowed the Amalekite king Agog to live; for this his kingdom was lost to him.

The Amalekites lived in the region of Arabia Petrae, a place to be conquered by the Caliph `Umar ibn al-Khattāb in the 7th century. Umar, known as a codifier of Islamic Law, died in 644 a.d. The sum of the letters adds up to 14. In 14 B.C.E., the Roman Emperor Augustus was declared a God, after having attained autocratic status under the seemingly benevolent title Princeps.

Augustus, a tyrant in sheep's clothing. What better analog than President Bush, a man determined to rule the world with the fervor of a high priest?

So, "deecee" is a reference to the heteronormative oppression exerted by the tyrannical Religious Right under the guise of democratic rulership and limited government.

Genius, or pure friggin' insanity? Either way, Debby has too much time on her hands.

[Takes a bow, catches a rose in his teeth and snares a thrown panty on his finger]

Am I a semiotic sex god or what?

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 19, 2006 23:43 EST | Permalink | comments |
memery, trivia, blog nocturne, belbo moments, best posts

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Frischkerfluffle: Interlude to Obscurity

There are times in the life of any mentally ill lesbian adjunct, with a life quickly falling apart, that call for deep reflection on one's decisions and meditation on the meaning of life:

"Why am I hiding outside a Chucky Cheese with a bagful of lollipops and an ether-soaked rag?"

"Why do the words 'pathetic,' 'rightwingnut,' 'beeyatch,' 'ephed' and 'peeps' figure so large in my lexicon?"

"Who am I to wish brutality on a man's family for having a rightwing armadillo doing the Robot?"

"Isn't Ellen single too?"

And then there are times when, emulating Napoleon, one marches headlong into the wintry tundra of obscurity and oblivion with naught but a horse to gnaw on.

Deb Frisch, lacking the capacity for abstract thought necessary to engage in the former, has mounted upon that horse ill-fated to become dinner. In a recent post she manages to, within the space of a few paragraphs, show total ignorance of Anglo-American conflicts and the history of Jerusalem, as well as contempt for Israel (those "wacky semites" as she called them in a previous post).

As Dear Abby once said, "when your life falls apart because you had a psychotic episode in public, just kick the Jews or the nearest dog."

Why is it that the Left, when faced with the consequences of its ideology and actions, always finds solace in condemning the Jews?

I think the answer is obvious. Follow the illogic:

1. Matzoball chicken soup is the most perfect food ever invented.
2. Matzoball chicken soup was invented by Jews.
3. Any people who can create the perfection that is matzoball chicken soup must have superpowers.
4. Therefore the Jews have superpowers.
5. People with superpowers can orchestrate vast conspiracies, toast pastries with their eyes, and wear cool costumes.
   
6. Therefore it isn't my fault that I (lent support to Socialism of the National or Marxist kind/ tolerated the barbarism of Islamofascist terrorists and dictators/ threatened a blogger's toddler with murder and molestation).
7. Look out- he's wearing a tallis and eating a knish!
   

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 19, 2006 18:02 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
humor, blogging, moonbats, hateblogging

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Aztlan Jew-hatred Surprise

Aztlan, the Hispanic Supremacist newspaper and mouthpiece for The Race, has the Protocols of the Elders of Zion on its website. (The Holocaust History Essay, Umberto Eco's Poisonous Protocols)

Dems- you know you're making another big mistake when the people you support are waving this shit* around.

I stumbled across this while searching for the origin of the "Jewish tragedies exploited for sympathy" meme that surfaces constantly in Muhammetan and sinestrospheric forums. I had read an excerpt from it in Eco's "Foucault's Pendulum" in which one item of action was the supposed "arousal of sympathy for the Jews' plight," and had been trying to verify it in the document. Alas, I could not read it for more than five seconds without yearning to rip out a nazi's windpipe. I'll update with the quote if my stomach can handle it.

Note: That S-bomb was typed accidentally.

Update: Still no go with the quote. Looking for a specific lunacy in that mess is like looking for a single turd in a cesspool. I suppose I could be Rather^tm pragmatic and say that even if it were not in there, the hefty load of psychopathy would not be much diminished. But I'll be honest and say that I have neither the time nor the intestinal fortitude to verify Eco's attribution and will take his infinitely learned word on it.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 18, 2006 18:03 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
politics, moonbats, discoveries, hateblogging

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Speedy Glennzalez

The following is a list of intervals between successive posts by Evil Glenn so far today, in descending chronological order.

Minutes:

2
8
43

NOON

9
6
3
6
2
4
5
2
13

Average time between posts:  8.5 minutes. Without 43 minute outlier: 5.5 minutes.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 17, 2006 18:54 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, blogging, evil glenn, boredomblogging, blog nocturne

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Think of the Sarcasm!

Read this and tell me you don't lust to see the movie.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 16, 2006 20:12 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, discoveries, trivia, blog nocturne

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Olmert is a Chickenhawk!!!

Ehud Olmert is a chickenhawk in the tradition of Winston Churchill, George Washington, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Ulysses S. Grant, Andrew Jackson,William Henry Harrison,Zachary Taylor, James Garfield, Rutherford. B. Hayes, Benjamin Harrison,Franklin Pierce, Chester A. Arthur,Theodore Roosevelt,James Monroe, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford,William McKinley, John Tayler, John F. Kennedy, James Buchanan, and Moshe Dayan.

I think I speak for everyone, even Misha (whose very name I denounce), when I say such inexcusable cowardice and inexperience should not be allowed near the halls of power.

In my research I have compiled a tidy list of hawkish attributes. Anyone who fulfills even a portion of these traits cannot ever be confused with a filthy chickenhawk of the likes of Moshe Dayan:

• once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
• Is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
• uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
• can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour, spending the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
• is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
• is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
• once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
• can divide by zero.
• randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun on his birthday.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 16, 2006 17:05 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
politics, humor, israel, satire, memery

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Bunny Parodies in 30 Seconds

Check this out.

I especially like the Night of the Living Dead, Pulp Fiction, and Alien Parodies.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 16, 2006 00:59 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, discoveries, blog nocturne

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A Curious Resemblance

Bashar al-Assad, Syrian President


Rolf, Sugarbeet Eating Foreigner

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 15, 2006 23:09 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, israel, blog nocturne

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A Moment of Introspection Made Public

I have long recognized that I lack any semblance of a social disposition. I have no patience for mannerisms and customs that inhibit significant communication. Greetings, for example, irritate me. It is a waste of my time to exchange unheard words when I could be having an argument. I have no patience for small-talk, argot, mutually cathartic complaint, braggadacio regarding sex and drugs, or any other celebration of the mediocre.

For years I thought this feature of my personality was a result of the congenital deafness in my right ear. My right ear has been entirely deaf since birth due to damage to the auditory nerve, and hearing in my left ear has gradually deteriorated. As a result, I could not speak intelligibly until the age of nine, and even then possessed a marked slurring that took over a decade to reduce. Hard effort has brought me from near gibberish to a nebulous English/Bostonian/German/Australian accent.

Despite the triumph that represents, I have made little progress in compensating for my hearing loss. Deafness which occurs through defective inner-ear mechanisms may be alleviated through hearing aids and such, but deafness caused by faulty neural transmission is of a different nature. Sounds, rather than appearing faint, are garbled. A microsecond here and there corrupted, and then patched over by the same marvellous faculty that enables us to interpolate in real-time the coin-sized area of our visual blind spot. The result is a hash of sensory input and interpolation, the aural equivalent of Charles Bonnet hallucinations occurring in those with macular degeneration and cataracts. As a result, if I don't already expect what is being said, cannot concentrate on the voice, or cannot observe the lips of the speaker, it is difficult to distinguish the signal from the noise. Curiously, human voices are most susceptible to this unhelpful interpolation; perhaps we have evolved hyperactive mental algorithms for deciphering human speech as a matter of survival (I may not need to hear a tiger roar in full detail, but I damn well better make out whether my tribal leader said "stay with me!" or "climb a tree!"). Thankfully the inanimate sounds of musical instruments are almost entirely uncorrupted, as are laughter and the purring of cats.

Being unable to speak for more than a minute without my slurring becoming a painful burden, I try to economize my words both in form and content. Being assaulted by a hash of sounds which require concentration and effort  to form into the phrase, "hot enough for ya'?" has made me less than amiable toward trivial conversations.

It is understandable that these things would influence me toward an introverted personality, but I now believe they are only part of the explanation. An introvert is usually not known for arguing economics, politics, and religion with a complete stranger. An introvert is usually not known for condemning Muhammetanism and liberalism directly to the respective savages without caring about their response. An introvert usually refrains from angering others- I purposely will condemn the idiocy that lays closest to someone's heart without regard to his feelings. I am known among my friends for being able to cause an awkward silence at the drop of a hat with only a historical comparison between the triumph-symbolism of the croissant versus the hamentaschen, willingness to argue pedantically for three hours over a matter of economics or philosophy, having the handwriting of a doctor, and brushing aside a conversation in order to concentrate on the ever-present music playing in the background. In short, I don't display the personality traits of a shy person, but of an asshole. Imagine a libertarian Larry David who actually reads and who doesn't display even token interest in the feelings of others.

I am beginning to wonder whether I have Asperger's Syndrome as well. Maybe in a couple decades psychology will cease to be full of mystical and unfalsifiable quacks and will have advanced to a neural diagnostic for such things. Until then, I am an asshole and proud of it, regardless of the cause.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 15, 2006 18:30 EST | Permalink | comments |
discoveries, introspection, best posts

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American Girl

American Girl has suffered the loss of her twins and she needs your support. Go over and lend her your shoulder, give her love, and don't let her forget the joy she has already brought into this world.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 14, 2006 21:08 EST | Permalink | comments |
blogging, discoveries, blog nocturne

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Eretz Yisroel in a Hot War

Israel is once again defending itself as the only island of reason and civilization in the Mideast. As before, it can count on little to no support from the rest of the world.

I've seen a few blogs advocate the "turn Iran to glass" option, suggesting that the Israelis drop their code of honor and approach dealing with the Muhammetans on their own vile terms. This is a mistake.

Positive mishna 189 commands that Jews "constantly remember what Amalek did, as it is written 'remember what Amalek did unto thee.'" Even if the subsequent slaughters of Jews had not occured, a Jew is required to keep alive the distinction between honorable, just violence, and despicable predation. This distinction is what separates the IDF soldier from the homicide bomber in principle. Not degree. There can be no setting on the same scale the actions of a man protecting women and children, and a man attaching explosives to women and children.

While Winston Churchill said, "the price of greatness is responsibility," Israel has achieved greatness because of its responsibility to adhere to justice. It cannot afford to lose sight of its moral obligation to fully respond to a threat with whatever violence is necessary and just. That doesn't mean the IDF should refrain from ripping new and interesting orifices into the members of Hamas and Hezbollah, just that it put bowel-loosening terror and a storm of bullets into the hearts of evil men in a civil manner. It has done so in the past, and cannot afford to act differently in the future. It is difficult being an example to the world of a just people, but if Israel is to survive it must hold itself to the higher standard expected of a nation of priests  who just happen to be ready and willing to rain deserved death on evil men.

As Winston Churchill also said, "there is no immoral way to rip out a Nazi's windpipe, as long as you are sure of his identity and malicious intent and there are no women around."

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 13, 2006 18:26 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
politics, news, religion, israel

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A Romance

I don't know what, if any, type of underwear you are wearing. But I think you'll fully agree with this song.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 13, 2006 15:15 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, discoveries

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What list am I on?!

I swear I must be on some demented spam list.

A couple of the titles in my spambox:

Your penis reminds you [sic] a computer mouse?

happy bough licking thick meetings bickered troop upper

artillery militia swarming machines slashing Road respect Juristes Dmocrates SUR Unies Germany. geometry medium

become jolly green sex giant now!!!

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 13, 2006 13:44 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, spam horrors

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Accidental day off- aghurray!

I usually wake up at 5 am. Today I leisurely awoke, noticed that it was light out, and panicked. The power had somehow gone off in my room. My cellphone said it was almost 9:30.

After calling in work, I realized I have an unexpected day off. No wading through maggoty garbage for twelve hours (but twelve hours less pay and a blemish on my attendance record)!

I figure I'll finish a couple books, catch up on blogging, and guiltily enjoy life for the rest of the day.

I might as well find joy even in an annoyance.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 13, 2006 08:57 EST | Permalink | comments |
scruffy work

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A Spammer on Acid?

I just got home from work and found this in my inbox, from one Charmaine:

It was funny and sad. One! As though one would be enough! Oh, science. at Earth from a pistol located somewhere along the Earth-Deneb line. Deneb "I should think not. That's police business. But I would be interested the surface in a smooth curve. The whole point of what you call my first

Hello, Charmaine

Despite my not having a damn clue what you're talking about, I'll respond anyway.

No, I do not want to potato-sack the ladies like Chuck Norris. I am happy with my current dimensions, and cannot afford the lawsuits waiting to happen if I poked someone's eye out with it.

No, I will not accept $2 million transferred into my bank account due to the unfortunate demise of my dear uncle Ndugu Pookle. Uncle !Xhosu Pookle already left me more than enough after his accident involving a stun gun and a bulldog.

 No, I want my mortgage rates high enough that I live in daily, bowel-loosening fear of heavyset Italian men visiting me with baseball bats. Fear of broken legs is good for the soul.

I would like a timeshare in Tierra Del Fuego. I hear the llamas there are magnificent.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 11, 2006 18:06 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, discoveries

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Anti-DDoS as Related by Senator Ted Stevens

We all know that the internets are pipes. Well, look at the pipes in your house- gas and water. Guess what happens when you don't pay your utility bills?

Your service gets denied and you have to start cooking your food over burning furniture, or washing up in puddles outside. It stinks, this denial of service. Especially when you have to buy another mahogany desk that also belonged to Abe Lincoln. Or when you explain to your neighbor why you took a dump in their pool.

Sorry bout that, Bob.

I was told that some dancing armadillo internet was denied service for a while, and that a cyberbear is "figuring out" ways to prevent these "denial of service" attacks. Speaking of bears, I saw a polar bear in the zoo the other day. It was fat and white and kept waving to me. I tried to give it a bottle of Pepsi but I couldn't make it over the fence. I wonder what color cyberbears are and what they drink... but I digress.

What a numbskull, Mr. Digital Winnie! I got an internet last night from a world wide web named Amazon, and it said I can pay for my Harry Potter books over the new-fangled lead-lined guarded pipes. No worry about tree roots busting up these pipes and leaking your money all over the basement! You can use these pipes to pay your bills and keep your service from being denied! If that armadillo had paid its internets services over the guarded pipes, there'd be no problem.

Damn, I'm a modern day Pericles.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 10, 2006 19:47 EST | Permalink | comments |
politics, humor, satire

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Double coincidence of wants

Imagine if you could only do stuff like this in order to enter into exchange for the satisfaction of your wants. How circuitous a route must you take to get even a cup of coffee? Not to mention a five minute llama peepshow?

Damn, I love money. Figures that the Canadians still haven't caught up to indirect exchange.

(hat tip: PJ Media)

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 09, 2006 22:17 EST | Permalink | comments |
economics, odd news

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Blogging will be light today

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 09, 2006 03:40 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
blogging

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"Unhinged rightwingnuts"

Deb Frisch's epiphet is correct. Only a mentally-challenged, schizophrenic, Rovian nut with a butt-plug in one hand and a burning koran in the other could condemn the threatening of a toddler with rape and murder...

Just writing that gave me a headache.

"[...] as I said elsewhere, if I woke up tomorrow and learned that someone else had shot you and your “tyke” it wouldn’t slow me down one iota. You aren’t “human” to me."

"Give your pathetic progeny (I sure hope that mofo got good genes from his mama!) a big fat tongue-filled kiss from me! LOTS AND LOTS OF SALIVA from Auntie MOONBAT, if you don’t mind!

"Somehow, Jeffy boy, I think you get off on the possibility of Frenching your pathetic progeny, even if it is a boy. You seem like a VERY, VERY sick mofo to me, bro."

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 08, 2006 22:08 EST | Permalink | comments (2) |
moonbats, hateblogging, blog nocturne

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Bizarre Spam

I've noticed a couple trends developing in the spam I get.

1. Spam from email addresses with the letters "pook," as in Pookster2300. What the hell is this? Does someone actually think I'll be more likely to click on an email entitled "Statistically speaking, your girl prefers your dog penis over yours!" because the email addy sounds a little like my own? Is it like that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry tries to befriend fellow drivers of Lexus cars? Who is actually stupid enough to think, "well, his name sounds like my own... if I'm going to enlarge my penis and reduce my mortgage, I might as well do it from another Pook"?

2. Peculiar incentives. I got one spam entitled, "your girlfriend will use your c*ck like a giant toothbrush!" I have read that spammers only need to get one sucker out of half a million recipients in order to turn a profit. So, this guy is counting on the 1/500,000 odds that I will be the pervert with this particular fantasy. Wouldn't it be better business to go for a more common incentive? If I sold shirts, I'd probably sell fewer "My name is Bob Smith and I love Llamas" shirts than generic ones.

3. Unusually well-spelled titles. Why are spammers now taking notice of "i before e except after c" and the compatibility of plurality? My initial guess was that Deb Frisch and fellow wackademics have entered the lucrative world of spamming. But upon observation of the spelling abilities of the average graduate outside the hard sciences, this guess falls flat. I now have no clue.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 08, 2006 19:45 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, odd news, discoveries

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Woo hoo! Books!

While doing some errands today, I walked past the bookstore and noticed it was still open. Like dangling black tar heroin in front of Deb Frisch.

I brought:

• Roger Highfield's "The Science of Harry Potter"
• Orson Scott Card's "Speaker For the Dead"
• Umberto Eco's "Foucault's Pendulum"
• Ian Stewart's "Flatterland"
• Stephan Jay Gould's "The Panda's Thumb"
• Paul Hoffman's "The Man Who Only Loved Numbers: The Story of Paul Erdos and the Search For Mathematical Truth"
• Robert A. Heinlein's "Take Back Your Government"
• Robert Heinlein's "Friday"
• Brian Lumley's "The Last Aerie"
  

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 08, 2006 16:32 EST | Permalink | comments |
books

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Deb Frisch vs. Annie Wilkes

Annie: You hate the cockadoodie brats in Washington too?!

Deb: Of course the horse. Blogging I am, like rin-tin-tin.

Annie: I used Elmer's glue and valium and vicodin pills to create a beautiful picture of Hillary Clinton.

Deb: I'm arrogant and crude and Jeffy boy's son gonna get my 'tude.

Annie: Who's Jeffy boy, Deb?

Deb: Oh, you wouldn't know him from Shim... only the light of life online, makes like I'm a bovine. I'd do anything for him but spin. Do you ever feel like chaining someone to a bed in your guestroom and amputating limbs while you forcefeed him codeine?

Annie: That's crazy talk! Ha.

Deb: I have a shrine to Jeffy. Prominent in it is an armadillo I found on the side of the road. I used coat-hangers to hang it off the ceiling so it looks like it's busting a move to phat funk.

Annie: I have a horse.

Deb:

Annie: So, you're a professor?

Deb: Willin' to be thrillin' I'm gonna go tillin' til I'm chillin'.

Annie: I don't like that cockadoodie new music. It sounds much like a pig being tortured with a set of ten year old Ginsu knives that I've kept out in the barn in open sight so little Atilla knows I'm being serious.

Deb: Can I borrow them?

Annie: No. I threw them out.

Deb: Too bad. It's so sad, but I was planning on some felony melodies.

Annie: Would you like a drink? You seem a little woozy.

Deb: Oh, thanks. I'm like Bond muthafucker like it shaken not stirred.

Annie: [leaves room]

Deb: I gotta throtta the tyke in the parla- with a spike... where's a pen when I need it?

Annie: [wielding a roaring chainsaw] Get out of my house you crazy bitch!

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 08, 2006 11:09 EST | Permalink | comments (2) |
humor, moonbats, best posts

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My employer is either stupid or evil

I had a Graumagus moment today.

 My employer, SPS Temps, puts a little note in every couple of paychecks saying, "Don't climb ladders!" The act of endorsing the paycheck serves to certify that the SPS employee has not suffered any unreported injuries.

As I said in a previous post, I work at a garbage depot, preparing and loading fifty-ton trailers full of trash. Much of my job involves preparing the trailer for its journey to the Lewiston landfill; regulators can slap fines of $2,000 on truckers whose trailers aren't properly loaded and covered.

In order to prepare the truck for transit, one must climb rungs attached to the front of the trailer, unroll a 100 pound tarp across 50 feet of vile and slippery refuse while managing to stay upright on the uneven and contaminated surface, and then climb down rungs on the back in order to strap the tarp in place. This is the only way to prepare the trailers, short of telekinesis. It is also the extensional meaning of the verb "to tarp," which appears in my job description at SPS.

Now, early in the morning I was tarping a trailer by myself when I slipped on a discarded exercise "glider" mat covered with slime. I fell, my head rapidly approaching the steel edge of the trailer. In the split second before a very painful collision could take place, I twisted my upper body in a cat-like manuever, managing to land with my hands grasping the edge in a push-up position, while my legs were perpendicularly oriented. Ordinarily this would not be a painful position, but ordinarily one does not assume it within an eighth of a second. I ended up spraining something in my back, but otherwise ok.

I dutifully called SPS to report this. The conversation went like this:

SPS: How did you get injured?

Me: [recounts the above paragraph]

SPS: What were you doing on the trailer?

Me: I was doing my job.

SPS: Your job involves you being atop trailers?

Me: Yes.

SPS: [ruffles papers] Your job description says you tarp trailers.

Me: Yes. Since I don't know how to fly or move objects with the force of my will, I still must climb onto the trailer to unroll the tarp.

SPS: How did you climb the trailer?

Me: I used the rungs attached to the trailer.

SPS: You used a ladder? But our employees aren't supposed to climb ladders.

Me: I suppose if I were Spiderman, I could climb the sheer steel face of the trailer using only my sticky fingertips. But since Spiderman doesn't work for SPS or Modern Disposal [the company that hires me on], everyone who tarps trailers has to use the rungs.

SPS: You're telling me you climb ladders?

Me: You're telling me you don't know what the fuck you're paying your employees to do?

SPS: What did you say?

Me: Look at the descriptions of jobs you offer. They contain verbs. These are the things your employees are getting paid to do. Every verb should give you a mental picture. If my job description said, "digs holes," you would imagine a man with a shovel-

SPS: I don't like the tone you used.

Me: -in his hand, outdoors. Tell me, what mental picture do you get from my job description? If you don't possess the capacity to infer that it involves somehow climbing atop a trailer to unfurl the tarp, then you are an idiot.

SPS: You called me an idiot?!

Me: I tried to be polite. You see, if you really have no clue what the hell your employees are supposed to be doing, then you are an idiot. If you do know how trailers are tarped, and then claim that any injuries atop the trailers are the employee's own fault and not covered by insurance because he 'used a ladder when he's not supposed to,' then you are a deceptive and malicious bitch. You see? I was being a gentleman.

SPS:

Me:

SPS: [Mutters]

Me: Have I duly informed SPS of my work-related injury so I can honestly endorse my paycheck for this week?

SPS: Yes. You should call 842-XXXX if you want to file for worker's comp.

Me: That won't be necess-

SPS: [Puts me on hold and tries to transfer me to that number anyway]

SPS: [accidentally transfers me into her own conversation with her co-worker] He called me an idiot!

Me: Yes I did.

SPS: Oh, wrong number. [Hangs up]

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 07, 2006 17:57 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, hateblogging, scruffy work, best posts

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In Which I Steal Wuzzadem's Thunder in a Mock O'Reilly Factor Interview With Klaatu (Part One)

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 06, 2006 20:51 EST | Permalink | comments |
politics, humor, satire, blog nocturne

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An Andy Sullivan Moment

u know how Ken Lay died?! our reptilian masters had to gte rid of him before the trial would sohw his tru nature as a fellow OVERLORD!!!1! Bu$hitler needed him dead to keep the scret! all these hypocritical imperialism-loving, insurgent-ensnaring fundie lizard nazi goons die for thier cold-blooded cause of global zionism!!!!!1!!  Say no to colonialism and fur!!!

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 05, 2006 22:36 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, news, blogging, satire, blog nocturne

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North Korean Car Porn

Check out this car commercial on the North Korean website (hat tip: The Isiah).

Notice a couple things:

1. The "commercial" is seven minutes long.

2. The only four cars on the road are those being driven by paid actors.

3. There is an escort driving behind these four cars, to make sure they don't try to drive all the way to Seoul (2:44).

4. The same footage of this pathetic caravan repeats throughout the seven minutes.

5. The background music is not Korean. It sounds like a Spanish-Ladino accordian-trumpet-guitar folk melody.

6. There are only three models available.

7. The vehicle diagnostic screen shown in one scene displays English (6:15) and one of the tools is Hunter brand.

8. At 3:52, you can see peasants hobbling along the side of the road.

9. Vehicle dome-lights are emphasized as high-tech (4:45).

10. All the people shown are grim and wearing military fatigues (4:26).

11. At 5:35, the announcer looks like a hostage with a gun pointed to his face.

12. All the land shown looks like the grass has been picked over by either cows or starving peasants.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 04, 2006 23:09 EST | Permalink | comments (5) |
humor, discoveries, a glimpse into utopia, best posts

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Happy Birthday, America!

If you're reading this, get the hell offline! This is the 4th of July, the day Americans come together to mix explosives and hamburgers in the memory of kicking ass for Liberty.

If you're ignoring the seduction of a heavily-armed drunken population lobbing bombs all over the place while feasting on blessed meat, then check out the American Revolution Collection in the free Online Library of Liberty. Afterwords, stuff yourself with meat and at least buy an M-80 for a toddler.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 04, 2006 04:08 EST | Permalink | comments (2) |
news

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Memoirs of a grouchy Anti-Federalist I

It was July 1787. George and I tried to get out of the damned heat by ducking into a gritty back-alley pub where they served strong sweet tea and treason.

A drunken bargirl came staggering up to the table, fell face first into his lap, and started to criticize the fallacy of establishing Roman jurisprudence as a precedent of American law. George glared at her, grabbed a folded newspaper off the table, and swatted till she stumbled towards Dick Henry's table.

"This rag's only good for two things, and the other one is getting your blood boiling," he said. He unfolded the paper and pointed to an article on the front page displaying a woodcut illustration of Cyrus Griffin's farm, with an arrow pointing to the location of a formerly secret guard rooster. Then he said something I'll never forget.

"Tom, there are two types of stupid things you can do. Things that earn you a musket-ball to the face, and things that only earn you a good hard ass-kicking. The key to limited government is figuring out which is which. Now excuse me while I tell that pretty lady over there that the Second Article to this 'Constitution' is ambiguous."

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 03, 2006 18:59 EST | Permalink | comments |
politics, humor, constitutionalism, satire, grouchy forefathers

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A Rebuttal to My Arch-nemesis

Don't be jealous, but I have an arch-nemesis and you don't.

I don't mean to brag, but someone who doesn't follow the teachings of the Great Pedophile and Imminent Schizophrenic is out there stewing in a psychopathic hatred for me. Do I feel special?

Damn right. I'm an asshole and proud of it.

Let's review his latest rants.

Employing the latest in covert technologies, and a phone book. I have obtained Tom's phone number. HaHaHaHa!!!! I called him up to tell him that I was stalking him, but sadly he didnt answer. Instead his voicemail message implied that Him and Richard Nixon need my organs. So I am once again going to have to conclude that Tom is a chinese communist spy. But, apparently he is now in the black market organ trading buisness. Beware Tom, beware I am watching your every move. I see you in the bathroom, I see you at work, I will destroy you!!!!

Leaving us to wonder, what the hell he was doing for so long. My theory is that he was working in northen canada with radical fringe eco-libertarian-communist-chinese-feminist-right-wing groups. I mean why else would he be in Buffalo?

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 02, 2006 19:16 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
humor, hateblogging

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10 Political Metaphors That Never Made It Revisited

(Reposted)

Political rhetoric is steeped in metaphor. The most striking ones are the ones that are not only original, but convey the essence of the statement as it could not in more conventional language.

Yet some metaphors never became famous for various reasons. Some used imagery so strange the speaker was exiled to lonely salt deserts. Others have been quietly forgotten to adhere to a mythical image.

Here is a list of the top 10 political metaphors that never quite caught on, with comments. (Language warning)


10.

"Squeeze the pug-belly of democracy in your hand, hold it against your nose, and snort in the musky fragrance of liberty!" A. Toqueville

"Communism is like a fat man trying to squeeze himself into a photo booth with a Thai whore. Someone's gonna get hurt."- F.A. Hayek.

"I will gut you and your tea-sipping effete imperial cocksmen with your pug-faced blow-up-love-doll wives. Take a jab, muthafucka." Muhatma Gandhi.

"The tentacles of communism are wooing us, sliding their octopus warmth around our penises. Waiting. Waiting to rip our manhoods away!" General Patton

"The Americans will never accept communism without first being made drunk on the whiskey of liberalism, laid out on the couch of socialism, and fondled with hands of dialectical materialism." Norman Thomas

"I am the fucking squid of the Revolution! Muthafucka." Muhatma Gandhi.

"You dare question the saintly popcorn enlightment of global progressivism? We are all cheese-puffs on the galactic plane, being eaten one at a time by the lusty baboons of corporate greed! Do you not see this?" Jane Christensen

"I'll kill each and every last one of you imperial pigs before you get your hand on the mangina of liberty." Thomas Jefferson

"Liberty is not a beautiful, smiling woman. She is a dark, mysterious whore who will slice off your balls the moment you piss her off. And you'll deserve it, punk."- Ben Franklin

"He stole my 'precious bodily fluids line!' I came up with it! I did! That pinko rat bastard llama-biter! How dare he steal my phrase for the sweet vaginal fragrance of liberty?!"-Barry Goldwater

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 02, 2006 07:19 EST | Permalink | comments |
politics, humor, philosophy

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Semi-random Saturday Night Thoughts

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 01, 2006 18:45 EST | Permalink | comments |
boredomblogging

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Mises: "Wouldn't it be cool to write a book on..."

The Mises Institute has an excellent article up, containing Mises' own ideas for book topics.

I'm thinking about picking a couple of topics and serially posting on them.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 01, 2006 15:58 EST | Permalink | comments |
economics

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